Moods.
I’ve always been emotional. I believe the clinicians would call it “emotionally labile”. Let’s unpack that little tidbit.
Emotionally: relating to a person’s emotions
Labile: liable to change; easily altered or “of or characterized by emotions that are easily aroused or freely expressed, and that tend to alter quickly and spontaneously; emotionally unstable
That’s a mouthful. But it’s pretty accurate.
Oh the highs. It’s like flying. Like being in love. Like being a song on a breeze. All things are good. All people love me. All opportunities and possibilities exist. My body feels electric and alive. My senses are screaming for input. There is clarity of vision. Heaven here on earth.
Because I feel so good, I commit. I over commit. I commit again. After all, everything is possible. I can do it all, be it all and have it all.
I RUN towards all possibilities…. fragmenting my time and my energies into powerpacked smithereens.
And then there’s the crash.
It comes out of nowhere. A freight train in the silent dark. Leveling me in it’s path. It’s heavy and gray. I sleep. I sleep more. It’s never enough. I stumble around in the darkness tossing excuses to the people in my world like grains of rice at a wedding.
I can’t make it. I have another commitment. (read that: I’m slowly dying inside.)
I’m sorry, I won’t be able to help with that project. (read that: I haven’t showered in days and I can’t make myself move.)
Text messaging. Best. Thing. EVER. Now, when I make excuses, no one can hear my voice and my heart breaking.
Emoji’s…ahhhh, the perfect cover for my brokeness.
I imagine it was terrifying for my parents. Watching my balloon expand and go higher and higher until I was barely visible in their sky. Knowing, as parents do, that when the balloon pops they will be the ones picking up the pieces strewn about the yard.
2019 was about Freedom and Release. I’ll share more about that later.
In 2020…my word was FLOW. (Yes, it took me 2 months to figure that out)
My intention was to enjoy the flow of life. To flow with the universe and enjoy all of the beauty and wonder. To flow with my emotions… with acceptance and love.